How long has it been since I last posted? And where do I even start to tell you what I’ve been through and how I’ve felt, where I am right now? I just have to say — women who give birth, period, are awesome. Mad respect! Giving birth itself is empowering. Because you’re doing something that your body was designed to do: Create another human being, have it living inside you for nine months+, and have it come out with 10 fingers and 10 toes, that in itself is a miracle.
But first a little back story, we checked-in the hospital when my water broke 20th July. It was the longest 28 hours of waiting for our baby to come out. Thank heavens to the wonders of epidural, I run-of-the-mill the throes of heavy labor, vomiting, cramps and pushing almost close to losing all your energy. Lo and behold, 0853 am of 21st July, Charlize Fhoenix ‘Baby Charlie’ came out naturally (she was 1 week early from my due date). It’s a feeling like no other — and no mother would trade it for the whole world!
My husband and I were all set for picture taking as planned (winks!) and the longest skin-to-skin (it’s the first time the mother, happily lays her eyes on her newborn, holds her baby and feels the warmth of her baby’s embrace, those dainty little hands latched on to her while their hearts beat in perfect rhythm as one) but NOT! I heard a staff saying, chorioamnionitis! My baby girl was cyanotic and grunting too thus NICU team has to take her away from me few minutes after they put her into my chest.
To cut it short, my baby developed RDS that she was placed on oxygen support through a ventilator for 4 hours then wean off to NCPAP. She was also started on antibiotics since I had fever during labor. It’s both a blessing and curse though to be in the medical field (NICU Nurse in my case) and yet I am left with my legs both numb from anesthesia when all I wanted is to be with my little chipmunk (insert I was literally crying a river!). I have to make a conscious effort to keep my head above water lest I get overwhelmed and drown.
Through all the uncertainty, we have wonderful friends and family when all seemed pitch dark, there was always that feeling that it would only be a matter of time until the light shone on us again. It is a knowing you get in the gut even if you see no neon signs. I think it is this great thing simply called faith. I say that not to be dramatic, but true enough, next day she was out of oxygen support, all pink and very active as if nothing happened. Well, she is really her mother’s daughter, she wanted a grand entrance indeed! Lol!
Today, I am a little over a week being a Nanay/ Mommy. It feels like having little hands finding their way into my heart, wrapping it with a pink warmth that is as comforting as warm milk with honey. There is a quietness about motherhood that is soothing; a kind of purposeful peace that makes you respect the rhythms of your life and days. John Stuart Mill once said, "You will inhale happiness with the air you breathe, without dwelling on it or thinking about it." The same could be easily said of the blessing that is a child.
