My Notebook with Abaca-gilded Edges

There are times when I sit before my macbook with nothing before me. The words do not come, and though I have a million little stories that I want to share, I seem to always be at a loss as to how to tie them together and pass them on in a way that is not hodgepodge or soupy.

Today is another one of those days. I just woke up after a restful 10-hour sleep and I want to take you to the many little places in my little life. But where do I begin? Where do you even want to go in the first place? Boracay, where I long to go for my vacay? Day/night shift at American hospital which is such a thrill? The wonderful new book I am reading or the one I just finished that made me cry? Do I share with you the fun lunch date we had yesterday? The yummy espresso with a shot of nestle chocolate quick I had with my best buddies via net last night. Or do I tell you about how some things happen instantly and how most others need a process? Do I let you in on God’s mysterious but wonderful ways or how it is a blessing in itself just to be?

I try to think of you like a girlfriend. I can tell you whatever, share with you stuff from two different points plus everything in between and trust that at some point you will find the information useful.

For now, let me tell you about this little notebook with abaca-gilded edges I have. It is like a journal of some sort except that I do not make regular entries. Let me correct myself. The entries are so irregular that they skip not just days but weeks. And instead of long, sudsy essays the pages of my notebook showcase lists, wish lists, if you can call them that. I have random thoughts scribbled as well, including catchy phrases that I have caught and never want to let go of. Thoughts captured from the pages of a book, the mouth of children so pure of heart, the lips of a person just healed from his/her brokenness.

In my notebook, too, are pictures. Happy faces and fat hearts that dance with the ruffling of the pages, a seascape and what also looks like a landscape, tickets from the most memorable places i have been (i have a fondness for them). I have many lists of things and people I am thankful for, written at many different times, lots of different moods.

I once read Bo Sanchez’s book, Simplify and Live the Good Life and in there is an exercise where he asks the reader to list down 50 blessings he/she enjoys each day. In the next breath he says to not stop until you reach 50. Try it. You will be surprised how fast you will fill up the page. You’ll even be surprised to find out you cannot stop at just fifty!

Back in college I was so traumatized when I found out my mum read my diary, slipping in uninvited, unwanted into the space of my little dreams, my random little thoughts and though she did not find anything more juicy than why I did not enjoy about that particular cheerleading, why I liked the guy in our subdivision that everyone else thought looked odd (I always liked the ones that did not fit the standard the same way I swooned more over long hair or clean shave guys than the typical matcho gwapito). As if that were not enough, an aunt of mine pulled the same stunt my mum did, prying open my drawer and teaching me a lesson I never forgot about the invasion of privacy.

I told myself I would never give anyone that satisfaction, that chance again. It was then that I learned to write cryptically until I lost all enthusiasm for that because years later I could no longer make heads and tails of who and what I was writing about in the first place. So, I went back to writing in my journal the normal, transparent way, thoughts bare-naked. Except now I do it in the form of lists. Should my notebook fall into the wrong hands, chances are they will enjoy my list and hopefully be inspired to start their own. No deep secrets etched in long, languid words, just secret wishes from my heart succinctly stated in snappy one-liners.

The best part? I get to check them as I go along life’s way. On pages one and two which had an entry date of October 21, 2005, 13 out of 20 already came to be. It’s like a flower seed that you plant. You wait and wait for it to bloom and grow and one day you just wake up, look out in the garden and realize it already has. You may not always be aware of the steady development occurring but you have to believe it is taking place.

So with our dreams. We pray about them, we sometimes forget we ever even wanted them, and one day we realize it is already there. God heard us when we whispered. And He did not forget even when we did.

I go through the pages of my notebook now and realize yet again, I do have so, so much to be thankful for. As such, I do have lots to share with you.

Birth Pains

I’ve always love babies and I’m always fascinated by them. These days, I am bursting at the seams with a kind of happiness that sits squarely in the heart. I am speaking about my love, adoration, delight and fascination for Reign, my first niece born 4 days ago whom I proudly conceptualized the name, “Reginauh Sofia”, combination of her mom and dad’s name (Rey and Elvie), my aunt’s name (Genie) since they got the same birthdate, and from my late lola (Aurora), in her remembrance. Sofia means wisdom, her big brother is Bo which means love, love and wisdom connive together. But let me tell you, there was tons of options before the couple decided for the final name. My relatives though are calling her many names now — reign, momay, anak, love, darling and many other terms of endearment that they find spontaneously and unabashedly using.

The best times are those ushered in by spontaneity like leaves that fall to the ground and are blown gently into the pathway of the day by the wind. John Stuart Mill once said, "You will inhale happiness with the air you breathe, without dwelling on it or thinking about it." The same could be easily said of the blessing that is a child.


Well.What do you know. This 4kg baby girl came earlier than expected (by ultrasound, her mom is due middle of July). Birth pains. After the pains, her mom and the rest of our clan are savoring the joys which now abound!

Just the same, I am optimistic about the birth of our new government. There is something about the entire campaign, the conduct of the elections and the results, that has given people a sense of hope for the future. Like everyone else, I am hopeful as we are poised once again to fulfill a great renewal, a promise to aspire and be better versions of what we are, if not the best we can ever be. Let us, each one of us, take full responsibility for the change we wish for our country. President Noynoy alone will not save us. Only we, moving as one, can. Let us not fail ourselves this time.

Oh, my darling baby Reign. Don’t you know that you mean the world to your mom and dad, your Kuya Bo and to me? If only I had the mutant powers to bend the laws of physics so that I could go home right this time just to smother you with my big, sloppy kisses, then that is all I would do.