♥ Grand Entrance for Baby Charlieツ

How long has it been since I last posted? And where do I even start to tell you what I’ve been through and how I’ve felt, where I am right now? I just have to say — women who give birth, period, are awesome. Mad respect! Giving birth itself is empowering. Because you’re doing something that your body was designed to do: Create another human being, have it living inside you for nine months+, and have it come out with 10 fingers and 10 toes, that in itself is a miracle.

But first a little back story, we checked-in the hospital when my water broke 20th July. It was the longest 28 hours of waiting for our baby to come out. Thank heavens to the wonders of epidural, I run-of-the-mill the throes of heavy labor, vomiting, cramps and pushing almost close to losing all your energy. Lo and behold, 0853 am of 21st July, Charlize Fhoenix ‘Baby Charlie’ came out naturally (she was 1 week early from my due date). It’s a feeling like no other — and no mother would trade it for the whole world! My husband and I were all set for picture taking as planned (winks!) and the longest skin-to-skin (it’s the first time the mother, happily lays her eyes on her newborn, holds her baby and feels the warmth of her baby’s embrace, those dainty little hands latched on to her while their hearts beat in perfect rhythm as one) but NOT! I heard a staff saying, chorioamnionitis! My baby girl was cyanotic and grunting too thus NICU team has to take her away from me few minutes after they put her into my chest.

To cut it short, my baby developed RDS that she was placed on oxygen support through a ventilator for 4 hours then wean off to NCPAP. She was also started on antibiotics since I had fever during labor. It’s both a blessing and curse though to be in the medical field (NICU Nurse in my case) and yet I am left with my legs both numb from anesthesia when all I wanted is to be with my little chipmunk (insert I was literally crying a river!). I have to make a conscious effort to keep my head above water lest I get overwhelmed and drown. Through all the uncertainty, we have wonderful friends and family when all seemed pitch dark, there was always that feeling that it would only be a matter of time until the light shone on us again. It is a knowing you get in the gut even if you see no neon signs. I think it is this great thing simply called faith. I say that not to be dramatic, but true enough, next day she was out of oxygen support, all pink and very active as if nothing happened. Well, she is really her mother’s daughter, she wanted a grand entrance indeed! Lol!

Today, I am a little over a week being a Nanay/ Mommy. It feels like having little hands finding their way into my heart, wrapping it with a pink warmth that is as comforting as warm milk with honey. There is a quietness about motherhood that is soothing; a kind of purposeful peace that makes you respect the rhythms of your life and days. John Stuart Mill once said, "You will inhale happiness with the air you breathe, without dwelling on it or thinking about it." The same could be easily said of the blessing that is a child.

Lost in the Maze of it All

Greetings from Dubai after a deep sleep, good shower and sparkling braced teeth after the 3 longest days of my life. Still reeling from disbelief at a misfortune that should happen only in the grandest of movies, let me take you the very scene.. When the plane finally landed at the Athens airport, everybody breezed their way passed the immigration counters – except me. An officer asked for my passport and kept on turning its pages back and forth. Instead of reaching for the entry stamp, he looked up to me and asked, "Where is your Schengen visa?”. I replied in bewilderment, “My Schengen visa is right there,” pointing to the page he was on. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but you need a new visa to enter Athens. You had an exit stamp from Malta and you came to Larnaca (Cyprus) which had declared independence from the schengen territories.

But how come my companions went in already? Ate Rence and Ate Che were asked to come back (I didn't intend to put them in trouble). And then everything else started to make sense – our single-entry tourist visa was stamped upon our exit from Malta. Now we were in Athens illegally. “So can I apply for a visa here?,” was my turn to ask. “Sorry,” she said for the second time, “you need to get it at an embassy or consulate.” “But there is no official representation of where we applied our visa (for God’s sake, how on earth will we know that Larnaca declared independence!),” was my discrete way of telling her to give me a visa upon arrival as in other countries. After some futile arguing, the only way to solve it was to come back to Dubai. The available flight though is too expensive but the entire CFC- SFC community in Greece stepped up and help us look for best deal. We were escorted to our detention room while waiting for our flight, it broke my heart upon arriving to the place. I wish to call my parents back home and get me the business class ticket right away. I felt like a little girl, lost in the maze of it all. We were considered a deportee so we had a police escort with us all the time (protocol, they said) out of an unsubstantiated fear that we might escape and trade our current and comfortable life to a new and more comfortable one in their country. There had to be someone with us constantly that we also had to be accompanied on the few occasions we went to the restroom. Looking at the glass half-full, I just thought to myself that we were a VIP and the lady officer standing right behind us while we pee was our bodyguard. When it came to board the plane, the experience was more than harrowing. My bodyguard, I mean, escort and Ate Rence were the last to enter the jetway. While waiting to board, all the other passengers were looking at us and I somehow heard them whispering into each other’s ears that we were an illegal worker in their country who got caught and deserved to go back where we came from. This incident reminded me of several times I met Filipinos overseas who openly told me that they are irregular workers (as a side note, it is now being widely accepted to refrain from using the word “illegal” to describe them as they have not committed a “crime” against a person and/or property) and trustingly recounted how they succeeded to enter and/or stay in a foreign country without the necessary documentation. Getting deported felt like being in jeopardy to me. But still I am lucky, I was neither handcuffed nor jailed, and I had a return ticket. For unlucky overseas Filipinos, they only had the money to spend for a one-way ticket so they didn’t wait in a detention room but in a prison – not for hours but for days, weeks, months, or even years – until someone (or our government) pays for their ticket back home. Our situation is not exactly what anyone would have imagine. These are trying times indeed. There even came a point when I began to wonder what, is the sense in all this? Too many questions, not enough answers. I guess that’s where man ends and God begins. Let go and let God. After all, His ways are not man’s ways. Why quit? A genuine desire to serve must rise above all odds. It won't stop us from serving in mission. Meanwhile, I called the Netherlands embassy and explained what happened. They might consider giving us a visa within 2 days time. In God's grace, we can continue the mission till 25th (our flight bookings are non-refundable). Please continue to pray with us. In the end, I trust that all these will be for His greater glory. Believing in my heart of hearts that He sits in the eye of life’s greatest storms is enough comfort. His presence in our lives cancels out the less in hope. PS: Click the link as we were able to continue and finish our mission. Indeed, to God be the glory! https://www.facebook.com/notes/ahriss-lang/euro-trail-2012-mission-accomplished/10151816960093357

Sky Dive Baby!!!

Sky diving baby!!! I found myself signing on the statement, “I acknowledge that I may die as a result of this activity." Carl (my tandem partner) and I inched to the door of the aircraft as practiced. We rocked back and forth on our heels twice and on the count of three, we were out the door and there was nothing between me and the earth but air. I was so surprised by the feeling that I didn’t even scream. I felt a strange calm set in and had a simple, solitary thought: It is making every moment a shot at eternity.  #euphoria #StuntSaturday

NICU Angels

I am thankful for the work that I love that I have. I could be all weepy about the occasional drama in each shift throws my way but this wonderful affirmations we get could make me as cheerful as ice cream. Like a happy home and the comfort of family, it was all good, even during the bad days. #angelsofthesickroom #NICURN👷💉💊 #sweettreats💰 #SweetSaturday

Nuff said

Great minds, think and dress alike. Indeed! Nakiki-stripes lang. #aWkWardWednesday

#flashy😜👔🎽🎥🎬🏁

Sorry but not sorry

So this is my story.. I came home late last night after attending my upper HH (after working day shift.. with emphasis). We're just glad Yen-yen was moved by our small surprise for her month-long bday celebration. Do you want to know why I am up this early? Definitely not because I am working day shift again but.. but I'd rather keep it to myself for now. Often, you just grin and bear it. To keep the peace especially, you do that. Sometimes you are taken for a fool and you have to know when you should play along or when you must put your foot down. You do not have to win an argument or be proven right all the time; sometimes you stand to gain more in the long run by choosing to mend a broken bridge even if that means making the other person believe she was able to successfully take you for a ride. My folks had taught me that: to graciously stretch patience and allow others to save face. Be careful, though, that this is not abused, as it can have vicious consequences or the door may bang itself again. *Pun intended.* Moving on, let's just have some #throwbackThursday! #0300AM #throbbingheadache #hellodayshift #shorthairanyone #beachin

Prayers For Boston

the bomb attack in Boston is terrible news. Our prayers go to the victims and their families. We condemn this cowardly act of violence. #brokenhearts #spreadworldpeace #prayersforBoston

RN

I am at that age and stage now when I have come to terms with the fact that despite my best intentions of having my ultimate American dream soon, something gets in the way but I still hope to shorten the gap. Don't get me wrong, for the past three years, going four actually. I am still loving DXB. On the same breath, I was up for most of my credentials renewal (dha license, visa, emirates id, etc). Looking back, it gives me an intense feeling and sense of pride to be a Overseas Filipino Nurse. I learned not to question fear — if it’s there, it’s there. I will accept that. But I already know now that I can always choose to deal with it positively, and at the very least acknowledge it enough to propel me to work diligently at quelling it, in whatever way I can. It is difficult to sustain a high level of pride though with the rumblings of irresponsible politicians. Room Nurse Mrs. Villar, seriously?! You might be sorry for your demeaning speech but we cant. I could go on and on with the overwhelming nature of our work but it all boils down to this. We cant afford to apologize for a mistake, it might be your life at stake. And I mean that literally and figuratively.

iScubadive

It's been a while from my last dive. I took my time to get comfortable again with the diving gears, wet suit, air tanks, weights around the waist, fins and be able to inhale and exhale automatically with the mouth in the regulator, clear the mask of water and remove pressure out of my ears while going down to enjoy what is under the water.

Down there is a different world that is so beautiful it will take your breath away. I remember the first time I dived.The hand sign to go up is thumbs-up. I saw a lot of beautiful things and I was so carried away, I made a thumbs-up sign. My dive buddy thought I wanted to go up already, but what I really meant was that everything was just tops, number one (Mhay, can you relate?lol).

The sunny skies, white sandy shores, and sparkling blue seas. Yes, just perfect for a day of scuba diving. But certainly, the splendor of underwater Philippines is still the best and with most marine life in the whole world. #reminiscingthewavesofPuerto Galera #NortherntipofMindoroIsland #thankyoudeepblueseadiving #waitingfortheunderwaterpics

Blessed to Bless

Blessed. Regardless of its many definitions, it becomes essential when you acknowledge that you have God to thank for when you find yourself in a place of abundance. By this, I mean not just in in material resources, but also in other ways such as physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. It is a powerful feeling, having more than enough of what you need so that you can actually share it without feeling you have lost anything in the process. There is more where it came from, whatever it is. It feels like being in a state of wholeness, completeness. What could be a greater gift than that? Being able to attend the SFC - Middle East Conference this year is an early Christmas gift I gave myself. It does not take the place of your usual prayer life. It is there to supplement it, make it even deeper than it already is. There is a feeling of well-being, of serenity, of a peace that I cannot quite put my finger on. I am indeed blessed for moments such as this.❤

Crazier than Usual

It was crazier than usual last week — and that’s saying a whole lot. In this age where crazy is ordinary, like when the firemen rushed because somebody in our accommodation almost burned the building down. At one point, it was hard not to tremble and not to think too far ahead and not worry about too many things (most of which did not really happen anyway).

The smoke seemed blew straight into my head at a friends birthday party. And that it is far from fun, totally crazy. Sometimes you just go where the wind blows and you find yourself in places and spaces you never knew could exist for you. Come to think of it, when will I try all that? When I am old? When my knees are so wrinkle? As you retreat back into yourself you alternately allow yourself a view of the bigger picture.


We cannot always control situations we find ourselves in but we can always stop when it gets too much. Be unapologetic about what you want to do eat a bit of chocolate every day (Patchi!); drink wine (the polyphenols reduce inflammation in the artery walls and improve blood flow to veins); find the best nothing thing to do (you are not always given that chance so when it’s there, grab it); dream of your next escape after a busy workday; dance or sing even you're not good at it because you simply enjoy it; wear to nowhere something really special that makes you feel instantly beautiful. Do whatever feeds and delights you.

This crazy little pleasure are quirky glimpses into the psyche of adults in general and more than we would probably care to admit. Every day is special, every day is a reason to celebrate. Staying true to this basic reality does bring into natural order an innate happiness that will sit stoutly and solidly within our hearts, fostering a more genuine and generous appreciation for all that is around us. ❤💋

mornings

Iam loving mornings now. And that’s something I never thought a happily nocturnal creature like me would ever declare. #hellosunshine☀😱😁☕

Ninoy Aquino's day

There is no better way to commemorate Ninoy’s death than to continue and live by his principles. His immortal exhortation, “The Filipino is worth dying for." Thank you for the courageous spirit and fervent desire to keep the path of democracy in our country. Let us also honor the sacrifice of each and every Filipino, who are heroes in their own right. For Sec Robredo, the epitome of a true and genuine public servant. We continue to pray that he is alive and well. It is our hope that the he managed to swim to safety or was brought by fishermen to a remote island, where communication happened to be poor.
#akoangsimula
#bangonPilipibas
#prayersforRobredo

Super Sunday

Its a super Sunday for me, pretty much eventful - brimming with fun time activities as if it were a delighted child let loose after her requisite afternoon siesta! #startedwitharuntochurch #feastdayofouraLadyofAssumption
#feelingfit #gymtime #iWorkout
#swimswimswim #thinkingtohaveabikesoon

Euro Trail 2012 Mission Accomplished

And where do I even start to tell you where I’ve been, what I’ve been through and how I’ve felt, where I am right now?

Last month (July), I had the privilege of joining the SFC -Backpackers Team/ Euro Trail Mission Trip. This one fine July day, everything just fell into place. Looking back, I believe it was no coincidence that I was able to attend the mission, not anytime sooner or later.

It was my first time to be in Europe. The one thing I knew for sure was that I was going to throw all of me a hundred percent for 3 weeks if God willed it. I was going to give it my all, however long the days ahead would prove to be, however hard it got.

I say that not to be dramatic, but simply because we never quite know what awaits on the other side.

It would be a grave injustice if I even attempt to compress in one article what the mission is all about. Backpackers/ Euro Trails Mission is something that is appreciated more when it is personally experienced. In the same breath, let me start to randomly enumerate its fruits.

*I have had many surprises in my life, most of which turned out to be blessings, even if they did not initially seem that way. I just went along with the flow, trusting in a faithful God blindly. Who am I to say things can only be this way or that? I know better now to say that life's journey is never just about gentle, graceful pathways. It is also a lot about seemingly scary alleys' scary if only because of the uncertainties.

*Through all the uncertainty, the highs and lows, the physical, emotional and mental exhaustion,
has taught me to pray the hardest but most beautiful prayer, one that can be said in five little words “Lord, Your will be done.” That was the only prayer that gave me a great measure of peace. When you want to do little else but pull your hair out and throw your hands up in the air, there was always Heaven to look up to, God to call on.

*I would like to say that I am battle-scarred enough to know that in the greater scheme of things there is really very little we can control. You do what you can, with all you’ve got, hope for the best, but true wisdom will dictate that you must leave all else at God’s feet to do as He pleases.

*It has not been an easy ride, but we are rolling with the punches. I say "we" because I am not alone in this. I am surrounded by wonderful people, an amazing team. My battles are their battles, too, and together as a team we have lifted it all up to God for Him to do as His pleases. The latter has been the easiest part. As a matter of fact, it is the very thing that has kept us going, the one act that gives us breathing space, a time to exhale. It has been the constant factor, the knot that has held 10 individuals - team together, from the very start and I dare say all the way to the end.

*When you join a mission, a race, anything of that sort, underlying that is always the hope of finishing it, whatever the odds are. Thus far, we have managed decently, we have survived. It can be lonely at times but never lonely enough to lose heart. There have been far too many angels, surprisingly a lot of them I have not meet in person (not exactly strangers as they are all in the community. I have to mention, thank you CFC Greece) who have stepped up and offered help. If there were two things our team can boast of, that would be hard work and the hand of God. We do what we can with what we have at any given moment and leave the rest up to Him.

As I may quote Kuya Shok (team head), 'The mission is being accomplished. We are far from making our vision of making every single man and woman all over the world experience Christ, but we are on track. Especially, with missionaries like you- ready to finish the race no matter what (sickness, family matters and detention in Greece). We were set, you were set. Praise God!

Run the race! Keep it up and stay focused.

Paul said,

“I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings." I Corinthians 9:23-24”

Nothing Comes from Nothing

●★●Tears just fall from my eyes in a steady stream as I am reminded of my late dearest Lolo Cleto while watching the tributes for Dolphy. The love going around is almost palpable, even on TV, and there isn’t a soul watching that does not feel the family's pain, and peace — both together, not a breath apart. ●★●Tears are so beautiful —  they are beautiful if they’re happy tears. I was in happy tears yesterday when everything went smoothly during the visa interview. Yes, we are all set for the Euro Trail (I will tell you more about it next time! Tears are beautiful also even when they are borne of pain. Pain when brought about by love, makes crying okay, in a way that is not even twisted. ●★●Nothing comes from nothing, and the way Dolphy has touched lives as we all allowed him into our homes and brought so happiness in his sterling career as an actor. For this, he deserves our fervent prayers.” It is such a blessing still that he is around to feel the outpouring of love. ●★●The good in a person is always extolled and magnified when he is gone, but almost never enough while he is still around to hear and appreciate it. On that note, let me share with you the eulogy I made for my Lolo (I meant to do it last Father's day but the sting became too much to bear again. How bittersweet! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Anacleto Mendez Andes, Sr. (July 7, 1929 - March 12, 2012)--------------------------- ●★●Let me share with you my most tender memories of my Lolo Cleto shaped from meals shared on the large wooden table where he enjoyed his meals. He always sat at one end of that table, on the same chair, in the same place. ●★●Tall, distinguished and very handsome, his was a kind face with pointed nose.  ●★●He was a self-made man, the best teacher awardee at Bicol University College of Agriculture; understanding son to Mamay Ising and Papo Ninoy; supportive brother to Lolo Bunjo, Lolo Rower, Lola Tita, Lolo Erning and Lolo Jun. He is a very loving husband to Lola Aurora. A very hard-working father who valued education for his children - Auntie Jocelyn (Nurse), Auntie Nelly+ (Teacher), Auntie Genie (Nurse), Auntie Judy+ (Teacher), Ariel (dad - Business Management), Auntie Toms (Engineer), Uncle Jun (Seaman) and Auntie Annie (Physical Therapist). He's very sweet and playful to his many grandchildren, Ate Anne, me, Rey, Jayson, Nica, Yvette, Czarina, Haley and Ashley. Our good grades were always rewarded. He would always have a welcoming smile for the little ones - his great grandchildren, Bo and Reign (he was so excited too for Ate Anne's pregnancy!). ●★●I remember Lolo Cleto in his neatly pressed pleated pants and I would always be in awe of him. He was an honest man who always espoused living within one’s means, often saying that one should not develop nor sustain a "champagne taste with a beer income". ●★●Lolo was a stickler for good manners and at a very young age, I remember how he was loved by many for the effortless ease he had dealing with people from all walks of life. Rich or poor, he regarded them the same way.  ●★●Lolo was never one to herald what he did in private, especially in terms of helping the needy. He generously lent his farm hands money – his was a series of random acts of kindness, maybe not really grandiose in nature but enough to impact his direct circle of the world. Those who knew him were all one in saying that and I have seen not just a few who still get a far-away, misty-eyed look in their eyes at the mention of his name.  ●★●Now, I am not saying he was a saint because he had his own flaws and could be fierce when he had to, especially when it came to protecting and defending the people he loved. He was always looking out for our welfare. ●★●His death opened my eyes even more to the kindness and bigness of the heart of the man who not only lived his life with dignity and grace, but with much love. Thank you for the life that you shared warmly and brightly with those you met along life’s way. Know that your legacy will continue to inspire your family beyond the borders of time.  ●★●We Love You!!!●★●

Never Say Never

Clichéd though it may sound, please never say never. I know that sounds like a Justin Bieber' s song but it’s true; it really is. There were three things I said over and over again that I would never do. Number one, to work overseas. Number two, be active again in SFC activities. Number three, join a beauty contest. I guess you pretty much have an idea how I fared with the first two — thank God it is way too late for the last one to ever happen for me.Haha! If you asked me after I graduated college how I pictured my life to be 5 years down the road I would not have described anything remotely close to what it is as I know it, now. Well, what can I say? Life truly is what happens while we are busy making plans.

Let’s backtrack a little here. I’m sure I have mentioned enough times in my past blogs how involved I am in the community I grew up with, Kids/ Youth/ Single's for Christ to the extent of going for Full time/ Missionary work after graduation. It was a long tough journey. When I decided to leave PI, I thought of leaving my service in SFC as well. So. Here I am. This is where I am now. I am a Nurse. Mother Teresa once said “We do not always have to do great things, but we can always choose to do small things with great love.” I think of that often, actually, especially in my line of work. My job can get overwhelming — there is no room for mistake, we work under the pressure of dealing with life and death. Given the nature of work in the hospital, it meant practically moving your mental clock for the erstwhile untouchable holidays and for all intents and purposes.

The life of a nurse is more of a vocation. It’s a life of hard work and sacrifice. Every single day, there is a sea of people that we deal with. We try to get the patient’s trust and present a semblance of efficiency that will help turn the panic into confidence. We try to control the number of people who accompany the sick and knowing how to deal with tempers that flare up are additional skills required. My oh my! We give so much of ourselves, our energies and and our time, all in the name of making the world a better place. I must not forget to say, after weeks when I came here in Dubai, it was not a conscious effort to look for household. Well. What do you know. Nothing is ever truly certain in this world. Structures are there to guide us, but we cannot put blinders on, be stubborn, and insist on following a rigid path towards how we would want life to play out. The world may give us different labels, but happiness comes in taking on every challenge, surrendering to every opportunity to make a difference, one day at a time. We are but channels of God’s mercy and goodness. It is never about us, it is always about Him. Service gives meaning and purpose to life. Imagine if you live for yourself and yourself alone. Your world will be so small. You will be miserable. But step out of yourself and life becomes instantly beautiful. Instantly. Can you believe that? And that is essentially why we all are here. As children of God we know in our heart of hearts that we all must do our work in His garden.

●★● My Top 11 Things To Do for 2011!●★●

A quick, random update. I still don’t sleep early, I missed all the writing classes this year, I still watch (again) classic love stories I have already seen and I still am one of those who can enjoy coffee at night and not have trouble sleeping at all so my indulging in cups of good coffee or tea need not have any of-the-moment limits.

The good news is I do not eat as much red meat anymore, I have truly managed one year away from my comfort zone (Okay, okay — i still have my crying moments when things get tough but thats the way it is!), and I continue to hope for, believe in, and expect happy endings (Cheers to my good friends to tie the knot this 2011 - Nad & Ivy - to top the list. Let me mention as well those who are planning - Myrla & Ronald, Ryan & Faith, Homer & Tin, Luis & Irene. wohoo!).

I am reassessing the list of things I said I would do in 2010, and as lists go I have accomplished some, failed miserably at a few, and totally forgotten about the others.

Bravely and transparently, I want to share with you my new list for 2011, obviously and in no unnecessary terms an appendage to the ones from last year that I have either only half-completed or not at all. So help me God (I do not say that lightly, by the way). And like I always say, happiness is also the journey, not just the destination. On that note I say go ahead, make your own new list joyfully, truthfully and unapologetically, and take childlike pleasure in seeing your dreams and wishes, both big and small, come true!

1. Put a vanilla bean pod in the jar of white sugar I keep in the kitchen. That way, simple everyday cup of coffee and sugar will feel, and taste, like an extra special treat.
2. Go to bed earlier, and be deep in sleep between the 11 p.m. to 3 p.m. window that experts say is the optimum time when our organs regenerate. Heaven help me, I do not remember the last time I was in bed before 11 p.m.!
3. Be more curious about the way things are made and done. A little more knowledge is always a good thing.
4. Update all the lists I love to make and highlight those that already came true! The time to be grateful starts now!
5. Visit Koh Samui in Bangkok then fly to New York or California.
6. Staple all the little scraps of paper I scribble notes onto inside a blank book. That way, no idea I have gets lost and I will have a diary of sorts.
7. Find time to work with my hands, give life to all the little craft projects running around in circles in my mind.
8. Eat ice cream with milk always. Have you tried it this way? You pour about half a cup of fresh milk in a serving of ice cream. Yum.
9. Continue doing yoga. I truly feel it is something I could do for a long time to come. I love the feeling after and the fact that the one-hour session seems only like 20 minutes is something I take as a very good sign.
10. Write much and more often. Watch more movies. Read more books.
11. Love more. Stretch my heart to love even the most unlovable.

Grown Up and Yes Pregnant at 24!

Thirteen days from now, I will officially turn another year older. I will be 24 years old, and bursting with dreams. And yes, I am pregnant with lovely ideas, haha got you etchuserang froglets (rumormongers). Boyfriend nga wala pa akong balak, baby pa kaya (Um, let’s leave that untranslatable *winks*). I have these goals, these opportunities all within reach. Why am I telling you this? Because I just realized that I am all grown up.

There was a time when I really itched to own all that I wanted to have. I salivate over the breathtaking Christian Loboutin shoes, the beautiful Donna Karan, Carolina Herrera, Diane von Furstenberg, Calvin Klein dresses and gowns. And don’t get me started on the bags. Oh, the bags! If money grew on trees, I’d probably buy, among all the things I saw and loved, those that still run through my mind when I try to go to sleep at night.

But in the same way that I can happily window-shop, I can do the same online. I can look but not necessarily click and buy. Sure, I’ll splurge once in a while, but there are many things I can live without. Yes, I am all grown up because I really do not have to have every material thing my heart desires. Sometimes, dreaming about them is happiness enough. Looking at beautiful things can already be a joy in itself.

It’s nothing profound, but this insight has spawned the list I am sharing with you today. At 24, I know I am all grown up because:

1. I do not have to have everything I want.
2. I take saving for the future (seriously).
3. I actually ask God to help me honestly forgive those who hurt me (on my own, that can be hard to do).
4. My hair is still a mess but I can be unapologetic about my choices.
5. I truly welcome reunions because you want to touch base with people.
6. I make wish lists but they are just that: wish lists. They do not direct my life.
7. I don’t take life and myself too seriously.
8. I know that love is not a light word.
9. I can and will go out of my way to brighten a lonely person’s day.
10. It is a peaceful thought to know that not everything is about you.
11. I appreciate rituals and traditions enough to do what I can to make them live on.
12. I care about what happens to our country.
13. I have learned to budget.
14. I also know that “no budget” does not necessarily mean “no money.”
15. Spending hard-earned money pinches.
16. I start remembering and applying all that Mom and Dad have taught me.
17. I have learned to really linger over a cup of coffee.
18. I savor experiences, moments, people.
19. I live the present moment as fully as I can.
20. There is this urge to stretch beyond your comfort zone.
21. The fear of failure does not stop you from trying out new things.
22. I can find it in myself to gracefully acknowledge all the lessons buried beneath every pain.
23. I choose my battles.
24. It’s easy for me to choose to rise above petty people, petty situations.

Rise Above the Pain

Too many things happened that I have yet to come to terms with fully: Loved ones suffering, close friends dying, friendships severed, confidences betrayed, accidents happening one after the other, lives lost, dreams shattered.


There was just too much of it.

There are no words. Even the most jaded heart will bleed at the plight of the victims. Reeling from disbelief at a tragedy that should happen only in the grandest of movies, 8 Hong Kong national lives have been lost. In its wake, the images haunt and will continue to do so.

Tragedy, after all, is relative. So is sadness. So, too, is pain. I cannot begin to imagine where and how the victims of all these tragedies can start picking up the fragments of their lives, much less take the baby steps towards moving on. Will they ever be whole again?

I have been hurt deeply a few times – by friends, loved ones and strangers alike. Perhaps I am not as wounded as others and I admit my troubles may not be as great as that of others. But I have been acquainted with pain enough times for me to know what it really feels like.

Only then did it become so apparent that like many other things, forgiving is always easier said than done. It sounds nice, so ideal and serene, but in the midst of deep pain, heck, it is almost always the last thing you would think of doing.

We all relate to the experience personally, in measures that may differ like night and day, but looking forward hopefully we can rise above pain. Please, dear God, let us be wiser, let this experience be enough to wake us all up from deep sleep, and pretend sleep.

Meanwhile, let us all be one as President Aquino has declared a day of national mourning today. In all things big and small, in the midst of muddle, God help us all.