♥ Grand Entrance for Baby Charlieツ

How long has it been since I last posted? And where do I even start to tell you what I’ve been through and how I’ve felt, where I am right now? I just have to say — women who give birth, period, are awesome. Mad respect! Giving birth itself is empowering. Because you’re doing something that your body was designed to do: Create another human being, have it living inside you for nine months+, and have it come out with 10 fingers and 10 toes, that in itself is a miracle.

But first a little back story, we checked-in the hospital when my water broke 20th July. It was the longest 28 hours of waiting for our baby to come out. Thank heavens to the wonders of epidural, I run-of-the-mill the throes of heavy labor, vomiting, cramps and pushing almost close to losing all your energy. Lo and behold, 0853 am of 21st July, Charlize Fhoenix ‘Baby Charlie’ came out naturally (she was 1 week early from my due date). It’s a feeling like no other — and no mother would trade it for the whole world! My husband and I were all set for picture taking as planned (winks!) and the longest skin-to-skin (it’s the first time the mother, happily lays her eyes on her newborn, holds her baby and feels the warmth of her baby’s embrace, those dainty little hands latched on to her while their hearts beat in perfect rhythm as one) but NOT! I heard a staff saying, chorioamnionitis! My baby girl was cyanotic and grunting too thus NICU team has to take her away from me few minutes after they put her into my chest.

To cut it short, my baby developed RDS that she was placed on oxygen support through a ventilator for 4 hours then wean off to NCPAP. She was also started on antibiotics since I had fever during labor. It’s both a blessing and curse though to be in the medical field (NICU Nurse in my case) and yet I am left with my legs both numb from anesthesia when all I wanted is to be with my little chipmunk (insert I was literally crying a river!). I have to make a conscious effort to keep my head above water lest I get overwhelmed and drown. Through all the uncertainty, we have wonderful friends and family when all seemed pitch dark, there was always that feeling that it would only be a matter of time until the light shone on us again. It is a knowing you get in the gut even if you see no neon signs. I think it is this great thing simply called faith. I say that not to be dramatic, but true enough, next day she was out of oxygen support, all pink and very active as if nothing happened. Well, she is really her mother’s daughter, she wanted a grand entrance indeed! Lol!

Today, I am a little over a week being a Nanay/ Mommy. It feels like having little hands finding their way into my heart, wrapping it with a pink warmth that is as comforting as warm milk with honey. There is a quietness about motherhood that is soothing; a kind of purposeful peace that makes you respect the rhythms of your life and days. John Stuart Mill once said, "You will inhale happiness with the air you breathe, without dwelling on it or thinking about it." The same could be easily said of the blessing that is a child.

Lost in the Maze of it All

Greetings from Dubai after a deep sleep, good shower and sparkling braced teeth after the 3 longest days of my life. Still reeling from disbelief at a misfortune that should happen only in the grandest of movies, let me take you the very scene.. When the plane finally landed at the Athens airport, everybody breezed their way passed the immigration counters – except me. An officer asked for my passport and kept on turning its pages back and forth. Instead of reaching for the entry stamp, he looked up to me and asked, "Where is your Schengen visa?”. I replied in bewilderment, “My Schengen visa is right there,” pointing to the page he was on. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but you need a new visa to enter Athens. You had an exit stamp from Malta and you came to Larnaca (Cyprus) which had declared independence from the schengen territories.

But how come my companions went in already? Ate Rence and Ate Che were asked to come back (I didn't intend to put them in trouble). And then everything else started to make sense – our single-entry tourist visa was stamped upon our exit from Malta. Now we were in Athens illegally. “So can I apply for a visa here?,” was my turn to ask. “Sorry,” she said for the second time, “you need to get it at an embassy or consulate.” “But there is no official representation of where we applied our visa (for God’s sake, how on earth will we know that Larnaca declared independence!),” was my discrete way of telling her to give me a visa upon arrival as in other countries. After some futile arguing, the only way to solve it was to come back to Dubai. The available flight though is too expensive but the entire CFC- SFC community in Greece stepped up and help us look for best deal. We were escorted to our detention room while waiting for our flight, it broke my heart upon arriving to the place. I wish to call my parents back home and get me the business class ticket right away. I felt like a little girl, lost in the maze of it all. We were considered a deportee so we had a police escort with us all the time (protocol, they said) out of an unsubstantiated fear that we might escape and trade our current and comfortable life to a new and more comfortable one in their country. There had to be someone with us constantly that we also had to be accompanied on the few occasions we went to the restroom. Looking at the glass half-full, I just thought to myself that we were a VIP and the lady officer standing right behind us while we pee was our bodyguard. When it came to board the plane, the experience was more than harrowing. My bodyguard, I mean, escort and Ate Rence were the last to enter the jetway. While waiting to board, all the other passengers were looking at us and I somehow heard them whispering into each other’s ears that we were an illegal worker in their country who got caught and deserved to go back where we came from. This incident reminded me of several times I met Filipinos overseas who openly told me that they are irregular workers (as a side note, it is now being widely accepted to refrain from using the word “illegal” to describe them as they have not committed a “crime” against a person and/or property) and trustingly recounted how they succeeded to enter and/or stay in a foreign country without the necessary documentation. Getting deported felt like being in jeopardy to me. But still I am lucky, I was neither handcuffed nor jailed, and I had a return ticket. For unlucky overseas Filipinos, they only had the money to spend for a one-way ticket so they didn’t wait in a detention room but in a prison – not for hours but for days, weeks, months, or even years – until someone (or our government) pays for their ticket back home. Our situation is not exactly what anyone would have imagine. These are trying times indeed. There even came a point when I began to wonder what, is the sense in all this? Too many questions, not enough answers. I guess that’s where man ends and God begins. Let go and let God. After all, His ways are not man’s ways. Why quit? A genuine desire to serve must rise above all odds. It won't stop us from serving in mission. Meanwhile, I called the Netherlands embassy and explained what happened. They might consider giving us a visa within 2 days time. In God's grace, we can continue the mission till 25th (our flight bookings are non-refundable). Please continue to pray with us. In the end, I trust that all these will be for His greater glory. Believing in my heart of hearts that He sits in the eye of life’s greatest storms is enough comfort. His presence in our lives cancels out the less in hope. PS: Click the link as we were able to continue and finish our mission. Indeed, to God be the glory! https://www.facebook.com/notes/ahriss-lang/euro-trail-2012-mission-accomplished/10151816960093357

Sky Dive Baby!!!

Sky diving baby!!! I found myself signing on the statement, “I acknowledge that I may die as a result of this activity." Carl (my tandem partner) and I inched to the door of the aircraft as practiced. We rocked back and forth on our heels twice and on the count of three, we were out the door and there was nothing between me and the earth but air. I was so surprised by the feeling that I didn’t even scream. I felt a strange calm set in and had a simple, solitary thought: It is making every moment a shot at eternity.  #euphoria #StuntSaturday

NICU Angels

I am thankful for the work that I love that I have. I could be all weepy about the occasional drama in each shift throws my way but this wonderful affirmations we get could make me as cheerful as ice cream. Like a happy home and the comfort of family, it was all good, even during the bad days. #angelsofthesickroom #NICURN👷💉💊 #sweettreats💰 #SweetSaturday

Nuff said

Great minds, think and dress alike. Indeed! Nakiki-stripes lang. #aWkWardWednesday

#flashy😜👔🎽🎥🎬🏁

Sorry but not sorry

So this is my story.. I came home late last night after attending my upper HH (after working day shift.. with emphasis). We're just glad Yen-yen was moved by our small surprise for her month-long bday celebration. Do you want to know why I am up this early? Definitely not because I am working day shift again but.. but I'd rather keep it to myself for now. Often, you just grin and bear it. To keep the peace especially, you do that. Sometimes you are taken for a fool and you have to know when you should play along or when you must put your foot down. You do not have to win an argument or be proven right all the time; sometimes you stand to gain more in the long run by choosing to mend a broken bridge even if that means making the other person believe she was able to successfully take you for a ride. My folks had taught me that: to graciously stretch patience and allow others to save face. Be careful, though, that this is not abused, as it can have vicious consequences or the door may bang itself again. *Pun intended.* Moving on, let's just have some #throwbackThursday! #0300AM #throbbingheadache #hellodayshift #shorthairanyone #beachin

Prayers For Boston

the bomb attack in Boston is terrible news. Our prayers go to the victims and their families. We condemn this cowardly act of violence. #brokenhearts #spreadworldpeace #prayersforBoston